i don’t know what to do with my life. it just all seems to blur together. sometimes i think that life will get a little easier if i do more good – like, right? put more good out into the world, get more good back. what goes up must come down. you reap what you sow. karma. what goes around comes around. give to the world the best you can and the best will come back to you. but we can’t live off the idea of reciprocity. we’ve all seen Groundhog Day, after all? Spoiler, maybe, not really, just a personal opinion, I thought it went a little long. but that’s just me. i don’t always have the popular opinion, either. at any rate. my blog also isn’t reliant upon reciprocity. i feel like i need to get some vibes out into the universe. It’s for the few that need to see it. Or hear it. or touch it. However you ride your frequencies.
for starters, i am 30 years old, a self-proclaimed failure (don’t rob me of that title, mom), and an aspiring success story. wow, doesn’t that just warm your heart. but foreal. I’m a 90’s kid that never got a B growing up, had the weight of the world quietly sitting on my shoulders as people stood to watch me carry it all. carry it all until i couldn’t anymore. sexual abuse at 15 years old (far too young to even go out on a date, imo), my daughter will loathe me entirely *grinch hand clasp*, but really, she will. i couldn’t tell you if the pre-teens or teenage years were worse…maybe teenage just because it lasted longer. but in terms of actual severity, pre-teen years totally sucked. like i would have rather shoveled dog shit at a hemophilia research facility where you can’t rinse the runs clean but instead quite literally shovel shitty pine shavings…seems oddly specific, almost as if i’m foreshadowing… my main point, i am a high-functioning under achiever who doesn’t want anyone else to endure the torture i find myself mentally teathered to.
maybe none of it is supposed to make sense. what if the more cerebral and morally-grounded creatures, like myself, are really just spinning in circles. chasing our tails trying to find the meaning of things instead of embracing what is.
